


Innocuous Whirlwind

by yolky206



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Ai parallels Aine, Anxiety, Canon Divergent, Depression, Gen, Happy Ending, I gave the robot feelings and he does not like them, Suicide Attempt, Those feelings are stress and depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-09-26 19:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17147705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yolky206/pseuds/yolky206
Summary: The world was too much, then too quiet.The ocean calls.





	1. Innocence

Work was rough. Ai was always great with all of his jobs, but something was making him extremely tired and he couldn't figure out what it was. He ran diagnostics but found nothing, and it hindered him enough to where other people noticed. Ranmaru told him to quit spacing out, Camus demanded that he do better, and Reiji just tried to encourage him to the best of his ability. Practice wore him out completely and he still had no idea why he felt so fatigued and irritable, and in order to avoid getting in the middle of any potential arguments from his bandmates he holed himself up in his room.  
  
Ai's room was quiet but that silence was deafening. It reminded him too much of how he couldn't make any noise like a real human could, he had no heartbeat to feel or hear. Not even his fans made any noise. This only frustrated him further, and he could feel something pricking at his eyes. The pressure built up until silent tears trickled down his cheeks, washing away any remaining makeup from the day.  
  
He sat down on his bed, crying a little bit more forcefully as all the stress Ai was under came rushing forth. Not only had work been getting more difficult, demands rising and his schedule tightening up, but his band had been fighting more lately and he hadn't been singing as well as he should have. There was no time to relieve stress and there wouldn't be time for many more weeks, especially not with this kind of growth.  
  
The reality started sinking in, it would only get more difficult from here on out.  
  
Ai wasn't human, he shouldn't be feeling this kind of anxiety, not this dreadful feeling of working himself to death. But the pain was there, it had been building for so long but he never noticed. Now that he was crying out all the stress and pain from the day his mind was starting to clear and his future was unfolding. Everything seemed bleak, if life was this stressful how could he do it? He was made for it, designed for the life of an idol, and it was still taking a heavy toll on him.  
  
The tears slowed down after a few minutes. They left a wet stain on his sheets, but Ai didn't care. He stared at the ceiling, eyes completely unfocused, and his mind was reeling and going nowhere with it's thoughts.  
  
Everything stopped when he felt a sudden urge to leave the house.  
  
He wasn't an impulsive person, but Ai needed out. The room was too quiet again after his crying session and he didn't want any of his bandmates to walk in and see him so distraught. He made sure his phone was in his pocket, put his shoes on, and left the building.  
  
For a long time he wandered aimlessly. Ai stuck to sidewalks and only used a crosswalk when needed, which was the best option considering he wasn't paying attention. Luckily the roads were clear and there weren't too many people around so he wouldn't be stopped by any random fans, he just wanted to keep going.  
  
Eventually he stopped. It was nighttime now, he had been wandering for hours. Ai could feel his battery running low but he couldn't find it in him to care. He took a deep breath and could smell the faint scent of salt, the salt of the closest beach. Without thinking he walked toward it and started humming to fill the quiet air with sound. It was a song he had already sang before, from one of his many acting jobs. He had no idea why he felt the need to sing it now but he didn't bother questioning it.  
  
"Kaze wa sasayaita, mimimoto de  
'ai to tomo ni ikiyo' to."  
  
Innocent Wind, that was the name. The lyrics were seared deep into his mind so he didn't need to think about them, he just let the words fall out of his mouth in a whisper. And with each note he got closer to the waves, he could see the deep indigo waiting for him. Beckoning. Like a feeling long forgotten, like a familiar place that was once his home.  
  
Ai stopped again at the border between a pier and the sand. He knew it was safer to stay low to the ground, but he felt weightless and an errant thought told him it would be better to clear his mind up high. Without bothering to question it up he went, the gate of the pier unlocked and easily swinging open for him. The light breeze swished his hair away from his face and stung at his eyes, the salt in the air not mixing with his body very well. A little bit of the air burned in his mouth as he continued to sing quietly to himself but that didn't deter him.  
  
The end of the pier was nice and loud. The waves, wind, creaking of the wood, and Ai's singing finally filled the air with the sound he craved. He could ignore the lack of noise he made and forget about all the pressure he had weighing him down. It was blissful. He felt free. He ended the song but he could hear the breeze carry his notes further out to sea. The ocean seemed to gratefully accept his gift of music and demand more. But he was tired. His battery was critically low and singing took a little too much out of him.  
  
Ai knew the right thing to do was tell someone where he was so they could get him, the distance was way too far to walk back. However he just, didn't want to. Getting his phone out, unlocking it, choosing someone to message, and actually writing and sending the text felt like too much. He could just stand there, hands resting on the railing, until his battery finally ran out and he shut down. He wouldn't have to deal with any more stress if he shut down and couldn't be found. Nobody knew where he was, it would be easy. Easy to disappear. Easy to leave it all behind. And if he was found, he may not even be recognized. The public had no idea he would just need a few hours plugged into a wall to be good as new again, without a pulse or heartbeat he would be considered dead. There were so many variables that he could get lost in and nobody would ever be able to follow.  
  
But, it wasn't fair to his band. They would lose a business partner and housemate. Ai wanted to consider them his friends but he still had too little experience with that. With all the fighting they had he had no idea if any of them considered each other friends. Even Reiji, who tried to be amicable to everyone, seemed to know that they never truly got along.  
  
He sighed, then took his phone out. Luckily the group chat they shared was easily within reach in his texting app, so Ai sent a quick message.  
  
"At the beach closest to the house. On a pier. Low battery. Need a ride."  
  
He didn't even wait for a response. They might all be asleep at this point, he hoped that his message wouldn't wake them. Or if it did that they wouldn't be too bothered by it. He didn't want to be the cause of another argument or get chastised for leaving so suddenly and getting himself stuck like this.  
  
One last warning, Ai had only a few more short minutes before he would shut down. He felt a bit of panic rise when he thought about waking up only to immediately go back to work, or deal with more fighting, or even wake up to complete and utter silence. It was so suffocating and with every last bit of his power draining this anxiety came closer and closer. It crept up behind him, sending a cold breeze down his neck, inching closer and closer. He had to get away, there was no way out, he was trapped at the end-  
  
He jumped.  
  
The wind gave little resistance.  
  
He didn't even feel the water as his body hit it head first, shutting down mere miliseconds before the ocean welcomed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First story after a half a decade without writing, feels great to be back and on a different site! Starting off with a good one here, don't be afraid to let me know about any spelling or grammar mistakes. I wrote this on my phone late at night over the course of a week so there's bound to be something I missed.


	2. Scaffolding

He woke up feeling incredibly uncomfortable.  
  
His clothes were wet and stiff, there was little bits of something coating his skin, and he could feel that the hair in his ponytail slipped out. He didn't want to open his eyes, his body was still waking up after a shut down, so all of his senses were slow and unresponsive. Ai ran some quick diagnostics to scan for any damages to his programming, and luckily there were only a few small errors. The water warning he chose to ignore, there was no damage to his wiring and it would be ejected from his system over time.

What he could not ignore however, was the faded, but slowly becoming clearer, noises that seemed to incessantly persist.  
  
_"... he should be awake right now, right? There isn't a whole lot of power that this charger can give him but he said it's for emergencies and this is an emergency."_  
  
That voice was familiar. _'Reiji.'_  
  
Ai clung onto the word 'emergency' and the panic and fear he could feel from it. If Reiji was scared he needed to get him to stop feeling that way, meaning he had to wake up properly. He painfully adjusted his light sensors as his eyelids opened, not used to the bright lights burning his eyes.  
  
"So you aren't dead, the hell was that for?" Ranmaru growled.  
  
"Ai-Ai! You're okay! Are you hurt anywhere, do you need to see the doctor?"  
  
He heard Camus mutter something under his breath but couldn't make it out, his auditory system was still adjusting. "I'm fine. I just need a bath and some time to myself."  
  
Camus glared at him. "You are forbidden from being alone, this would have been preventable with someone watching over you."  
  
He tried to think of a way to counter that but found nothing. Instead he looked around the room he was in to get a sense of where he was. Ai already knew that he was in a room with a light closer to the ground, but he initially didn't focus on any other details. After taking in the room for a few seconds he spoke up.  
  
"Am I, on the kitchen island? Why?"  
  
"It was the only area with enough space for us to dump your body."  
  
"Wouldn't the couch suffice?"  
  
Ranmaru didn't answer, but a little hope in Ai told him that it was so they could easily check up on him. Reiji was fiddling with the emergency charger that he set aside for them to use if he entered a shut down like this, Camus was sitting at a stool turned away from everyone, and Ranmaru was avoiding eye contact with him.  
  
The tension was too intense. Ai tried to sit up, despite his systems too busy making sure he was healthy, and felt a wave of vertigo. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt a set of hands gently lay him back down on the countertop. He groaned as the nauseating feeling left him and frustration replaced it.  
  
"You'll probably be able to get up once you wake up a little more." Chirped Reiji. "I'll try and find your regular charging cord and an extension cable so you don't suck all the juice out of this little guy, have Ran-Ran and Myu talk to you while I'm gone."  
  
_'That's easier said than done.'_ Ai thought as Reiji left the room. Ranmaru and Camus were silent. _'At least they aren't fighting again.'_  
  
He waited a beat before speaking. "I apologize for my actions. I acted irresponsibly and didn't consider the consequences."  
  
"Don't bother, it already happened and words won't change anything."  
  
"Cease your rudeness. If you are trying to be comforting you should try harder."  
  
"I don't see you making anything better you pompous bastard."  
  
"Please stop bickering." Ai interrupted them before they could argue more. "You're going to give me a headache."  
  
"They're both just worried about you, you know." Reiji said as he entered the room. "Finding you washed up on the beach, we didn't know what happened and it was scary. All of us were terrified. You shoulda seen them, Myu was barking orders and Ran-Ran was yelling and getting angry at every little thing."  
  
"Shut up Reiji."  
  
Ai took in that information and tried to analyze the actions of his bandmates. It didn't seem like Reiji was lying, but at the same time it was hard to believe. There was no reason for them to care about him like that except for the future of Quartet Night. Even then it shouldn't be hard to replace him. There were plenty of idols that would work better in this group than he would.  
  
His thoughts seemed to show on his face, and Reiji noticed. "Ai-Ai, is something wrong? You seem distant."  
  
He turned his eyes away. "It's nothing."  
  
"You sure it's nothing?"  
  
"I'm certain."  
  
Ai's voice quieted down on those last words, leaving them just a whisper. At this point his systems were all working properly and being plugged into the wall properly was charging him much faster. He doubted that he'd be allowed to sit upright so instead he rolled onto his side to try and be more comfortable.  
  
"Mikaze, you will have to explain yourself at some point." Camus warned. "Preferably sooner rather than later."  
  
He contemplated this. Ai knew that if they wanted answers they wouldn't leave him alone. He tried to find reasons to not say anything, but there really wasn't anything substantial. Anything he had would be easy to counter and he had no excuse.  
  
On the other hand, explaining everything would burden them. His own problems shouldn't have to affect the group and they should be kept to himself. If they held themselves back for him, which he doubted they'd do to begin with, then the growth of their band would slow down. Not to mention if he couldn't handle this kind of stress, then he wouldn't be able to handle the rest of the industry and he wouldn't be allowed to perform.  
  
The others were waiting for a response though. Ai weighed the pros and cons again as fast as possible to be certain of his decision.  
  
"I suppose I have no choice." He already started feeling fear sink in. "I'll explain what has been going on recently, and what happened last night."  
  
His bandmates were good listeners. He originally anticipated Reiji being the one to ask the most questions, but he seemed stunned and ghostly during the explanation. Camus was the one who insisted he go over every detail, and Ranmaru just gave a grunt every now and then as acknowledgement. Nothing was left unsaid except for the parts of the story they already knew and were living at that very moment. And by the time he finished they were all silent. The room itself was not quiet since there was the gentle hum of electricity and the ticking of a clock, but there was no sound coming from the idols.  
  
Despite the silence, Ai couldn't feel any tension. It felt, relieving. Like a weight had been slid off his back. He let his eyes relax closed and took a deep breath. So far he was okay, he figured there would have been extremely negative feedback by this point if it were going to happen. This was a new feeling that was hard to name as he hadn't experienced anything like it.  
  
"You should have told us earlier, we would have been able to help you." Reiji said quietly, almost like a whisper. "I mean, I'm glad you're okay, but something really bad could have happened and we could have lost you."  
  
"For once I agree with him. No use killing yourself with stress and then actually trying to because of it." Ranmaru eventually said. It seemed like he was holding back a bit however.  
  
Camus said nothing but instead just nodded. Ai already had a feeling that he would be on the same page and it was good to be able to confirm it. "Thank you, I apologize for causing that incident. I understand that it wasn't a good solution and was likely too dramatic. I'm not certain if it will repeat but I will tell someone before things get out of control."  
  
Reiji seemed to almost perk up at that. "Please do, I don't know what I'd do if this happened again. We need you, not even just for Quartet Night. We need you as a friend-"  
  
_'Friend.'_  
  
That word resounded with something deep within. It was such a powerful feeling that he almost missed the rest of what Reiji was saying.  
  
"-and partner. You mean a lot to us, you mean a lot to me, and everything would change without you."  
  
Ai felt another feeling bubble up in his throat. This time it brought on the pinpricks of tears and a weirdly euphoric emotion, one tinged with sadness and relief.  
  
Once Reiji's statement was made Camus closed his eyes and spoke. "Once we are through here we will look over your schedule and adjust it. If the issue is continuous then a therapist will be hired for you. I refuse to let this become out of hand and it will be fixed immediately."  
  
"Thank you, thank you all. I'm not quite used to this so I apologize for crying, it's a strange situation with emotions I'm not used to."  
  
"Quit apologizing so much. You didn't do nothing wrong."  
  
Ai couldn't think of a good way to respond to Ranmaru's abrasive but well-meaning words, so he just smiled. Things were turning out much better than he expected. He didn't expect for them to care so much about him, but perhaps he should have been observing their actions more closely. Perhaps it didn't really matter at this point. A quick thought that passed through his head told him to stop regretting so many actions and to focus on what was in front of him, and this time he was able to rationally weigh it and follow through.  
  
It was going to be okay.  
  
"I'm so glad that things turned out this way." He started. "I should have put more faith and trust in all of you, but despite this shortcoming you supported me anyway. I'm... not sure how long it will take for me to fully recover, but if I need any kind of help I'll ask for it."  
  
With a sobbing cry of his name Reiji got up from his seat and practically leaped at Ai.  He had mere miliseconds to brace himself but luckily he was used to the older man's more spontaneous affections. What he wasn't used to was Ranmaru and Camus getting closer to him, Ranmaru wrapping an arm around his shoulders and Camus just resting his hand on his head. The sensations were new and overwhelming. But it didn't feel _bad_. It just made the tears that had started slowing down speed back up again and drip onto Reiji's shoulder.  
  
It was at that moment that he finally was able to place a name for the emotions he'd been feeling. The emotions that he could detect radiating from everyone in the room.  
  
It was love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be the start of a series of a bunch of stories all tied together in the same universe. It's more than likely going to end up with polyamorous QN, there needs to be more of that so I'm of course going to help create more content. Yeah everything is gonna start on a more serious fic but it isn't a bad place to begin. Better than never starting at all!


End file.
